Los Angeles Jewish Home

Being a grandparent can be one of life's most fulfilling roles, one that benefits both you and your grandchildren. Grandparents can share valuable life lessons with their grandchildren, enjoying a nurturing  relationship without many of the day-to-day burdens of parents. Grandchildren, in turn, can gain a sense of family history and belonging as well as receive a special kind of love that differs from the love they get from their parents.

At the same time, the role of grandparents can be tricky. It can be hard to find the right balance between being involved and being over-involved.

"The key is to find your place in the family. You must fit into the family culture, rather than challenging it," says Gayle Peterson, PhD, a family therapist specializing in family development, in an article on nuturecenter.com.

A review of the advice offered by Peterson, as well as other such as AARP family expert Amy Goyer and grandparents.com columnist Barbara Graham, garnered some common themes for keeping the "grand" in grandparenting:

Grandparenting Dos

• Respect the parents decisions of your children: Know their rules and be willing to enforce them.
• Support your grandchild's parents from the beginning: Welcome your new in-law as family and establish a good relationship with him or her.
• Make time for your grandchildren: Do projects together. Share your hobbies and learn about the activities your grandchildren love. Travel with your grandchildren if possible, whether for a day trip or longer excursion.
• Keep in regular contact with your grandchildren. Use phone, email, and video chatting to stay in touch when you can't get together in person.
• Accept that you may have made mistakes in parents and that your children will as well. Know that child-rearing styles change with each generation.
• Help out whenever you can, but not so much that you resent it.
• Maintain balance in your own life.

Grandparenting Don'ts

•  Don't try to be the parent.
• Don't try to buy affection.
• Don't offer unsolicited advice to the parents.
• Don't "compete" with other grandparents.

Jerry Witkovsky, a social worker and former general director of the Jewish Community Center of Chicago, focuses on the third and fourth bullet points of the Do's list: sharing experiences with grandchildren and keeping in regular contact with them. Founder of Grand Consultants, he is currently writing a book, entitled The Grandest Love: Inspiring the Grandparent-Grandchild Connection (XLibris Press).

Witkovsky keeps a standard weekly phone appointment with each of his six grandchildren, who range in age from 10 to 30. He also asks them what subjects not to inquire about.

Witkovsky urges keeping up with your grandchildren's activities so you can ask relevant questions and have meaningful discussions. For example, instead of asking "How's school?" see if you can subscribe to the school's parent newsletter. Or ask your grandchild for his or her English class reading list and read some of the books so you can discuss them together.

"Grandparents and grandchildren have a responsibility to teach and learn from one another," says Witkovsky. "Grandparents can and should be a vital part of the family."

Labels: Dos and Don'ts, Family, Family Dynamics, For the Spirit, Grandfather, Grandma, Grandmother, Grandpa, Grandparents

by Shelly Ryan

Ok! So many of you can relate to your alarm clock going off and wanting to hit the snooze button a few times! Although I'm not a morning person, I got to work earlier than usual, not knowing what I would face! As luck would have it, I went to JEK 4 to speak to an employee and got off the elevator to find an amazing sight! One of our sweet CNAs was talking to a resident about the resident's son, and this was how the conversation went!

"My son doesn't get to visit me that often because he's always working". The response from our CNA was "That's what's fun about my job, because when I'm working I get to see you"!

The resident welled up with tears and said, "But with your job you HAVE to see me."

And our CNA responded, "That's the beauty of my job! I don't HAVE to see you, I GET to see you!"

The resident then hugged our CNA and said, "You're like my daughter."

The CNA said "You're like my Grandmother—sorry, but I'm younger than your daughter," and they both laughed! And then hugged!

These are the kind of sweet moments I get to see every day! The interaction between our staff and our residents is why I've been here for almost 30 years. Our staff treat our precious residents like family. And the feeling is mutual! Our residents feel the love and care from our staff and it's a bond that is hard to break. At the Home, our staff go beyond "work" and care for our residents as they would a member of their own family. It's truly remarkable! Every consultant and surveyor that comes here, whose job it is to find what we're doing "wrong" versus what we're doing "right", ends up remarking about the relationship between our staff and our residents! To say we're a Jewish Home family is not just "words" here.

There is a strong bond that will forever be imprinted on the hearts of both our staff and residents. If you want to experience the love, come and visit us at any of our buildings. We truly have a unique environment where our staff and residents are equally supportive and protective of each other. It's a heart-warming experience—one I would encourage all of you to experience. Are we perfect? No! But our hearts are in the right place!! There is truly no place like "HOME" and I'm blessed to see it day after day!!

I often joke that we're "chosen", and when I walk the floors I believe it's true!! Each staff member has been "chosen" to care for their residents in a unique and amazing way. When I've had an especially challenging day all I have to do is walk the floors and see what the Home has created. We are truly blessed, and I don't want to take it for granted!!

Thank you to our incredible staff, our families, our volunteers and our supporters for letting the Home be the special place that it is!!:)

Labels: Around the Home, CNA, Family, Grandmother, Mother, Residents, Shelly Ryan, Staff, Sweet Moments, Visiting

Mother's Day is only a few days away! Have you made plans to celebrate your mom, your grandmother, your great-grandmother, or that special woman in your life? The Jewish Home is helping to make that celebration a little brighter this year. We just created two new e-Cards. And on top of that, they're both free!

Labels: Birds in Paradise, e-Cards, eCards, Grandma, Grandmother, Great-Grandma, Great-Grandmother, Mom, Mother and Child, Mother's Day, Oil Paintings, painting, Residents, Spring Blossoms, Staff