Los Angeles Jewish Home

I'm looking forward to a good 2014. Are you? Or are you more of a pessimist? Some people look to the future with a positive sense of how life will be; for others, thoughts of the future fill them with fear and anxiety. I had a group discussion with residents the other day about what it meant to be an optimist or a pessimist, and whether our attitude to the future affects how we live our life.

As some residents pointed out, there are situations where a level of fear about the future may be appropriate, and may lead to taking useful precautions. For instance, it would be foolhardy to let a small child play with a pot of boiling water bubbling on the stove. And many people are careful not to spend too much time in the sun without protection. But taking proper precautions in a situation where the danger is real does not make one a pessimist — just a careful person.

However, if we are always fearing that the future will go wrong for us (or for those we love) — for example that every small ache and pain is a certain sign of the most horrendous illness, or that whatever we set out to do, we are sure to fail — that really is a picture of a pessimistic nature.

On the other hand, if one's natural assumption is that things will turn out right, it's as though one is facing the future with a smile. It is perfectly possible to be a careful person, taking note of dangers in our path, and still hold a rosy view of the future. Indeed, isn't our future more likely to be rosy if we take sensible note of real dangers?

One resident pointed out that being an optimist or a pessimist makes a significant difference to how we live our lives. An optimist is much more willing to try things, to take risks. Life is expanded that way, and can feel like an adventure. Pessimists, on the other hand, would be more likely to avoid unnecessary risks, and stay with the activities that are most safe and familiar to them.

So why am I thinking now about attitudes to the future? Is it just that we are about to embark on all the unknowns of 2014? A bigger reason is that I am at an age when it's impossible to ignore the fragility of life. With each further step I take into my seventies, I am ever more aware of all the things that can turn out in unwelcome ways. If being optimistic means believing that those things won't happen to me... well, how can I possibly be confident of that? Working at the Home provides a constant reminder of the hardships that accompany getting older — and of our residents' courage in facing those challenges.

And yet, looking into the unknown future, I do feel optimistic. I have come to think there are two kinds of optimism. The first kind of optimism is a trust that for many years the future will hold lots that is good and little that is bad. We can affect that only in limited ways; for although we may have some influence on how life treats us — like the way we eat or exercise — we know we cannot control life's events.

While I pray for good in the future, I know that in the real world I cannot rely on it. This is where the second kind of optimism comes in; and this one is up to us. While we have little control over what happens to us, we do have quite a lot of control over how we respond to life's happenings. If the first kind of optimism is about our trust that life will treat us well, the second is about our trust in ourselves — that we will not let life's events knock us flat. (A pessimist, on the other hand, might believe he would be absolutely devastated by the events he fears.)

So here I am on my life journey. So far it's gone pretty well, but what of the future? And what do I mean when I say I am optimistic? Well, I do trust that things will go well; more importantly, I also trust in my ability to deal positively with what life sends me. It's not a magical belief in a good future. It's a trust that I have the resilience to live a life that is positive and fulfilling with the circumstances that come my way.

May we all have a 2014 full of good, and the ability to meet the year's challenges with a smile.

Labels: For the Spirit, Future, Letter from the Rabbi, Life, Live Life to the Fullest, New Year, Positive Outlook

During the month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, I am going to be making a lot of noise here at the Jewish Home’s Grancell Village.

At lunch time every weekday, I will be visiting 18 dining rooms and blowing four powerful blasts of the shofar in each one. The residents and staff love these moments, and so do I. But they are intended to be more than mere fun.

The shofar, of course, is the herald of the New Year. It is also a call to prepare ourselves for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur — the “Days of Awe.” So what kinds of preparation are appropriate?

We are all familiar with the “outer” preparations for family gatherings at the New Year. There are the dinners we will share; the clothes we will wear in synagogue in honor of the occasion; the beautification of the synagogue itself, the flowers and the white coverings for the Torah scrolls.

But when we look beneath the surface, and let the sound of the shofar touch our hearts, we hear the call for another kind of preparation — the beautification of our selves, deep down inside. The way we do this is through personal reflection. This is the true call of the shofar, and the grandest task in Elul, the month before Rosh Hashanah.

In preparation for the New Year, I find it helpful to ask ourselves a few important questions, such as:

• Of all the things I have accomplished in the past year, what pleases me most or makes me most proud? In what ways did I live up to my highest standards?


• How have I let myself down by failing to live up to these standards, or being less of a mensch than I could have been?


• Have I apologized to people I’ve wronged? Can I find the courage to do that?


• What can I do that will make my life and the lives of others a little better in the coming year?


• What can I do next year that will make me more proud of who I am?

On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we commune with a compassionate and forgiving G-d, and realize that it is also time to forgive ourselves. It is important to understand that acknowledging the ways we have fallen short does not mean we should beat ourselves up. Far from it!

Our goal should be to come out of Yom Kippur free from sense of guilt or failure, and inspired to improve ourselves in the coming year. That is why the end of Yom Kippur is such a joyful time.

At the New Year, we will share apples and honey with families and friends, and wish each other a happy and sweet new year. We will ask to be written into the Book of Life for a good year ahead.

Our preparation in the coming weeks enables us to come confidently before G-d to make that plea. May the sweetness of the New Year arise from your true striving to become the best person you can be.

I wish you and your family a Happy, Healthy, and, yes, a Sweet New Year.

Labels: Days of Awe, Elman, Feature Articles, For the Spirit, New Year, Preparation, Rosh Hashanah, Shofar, Yom Kippur