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Marie Matz recalls the day Rose Wayne struck up a conversation with her. It began with a simple hello, and as they spoke, the two women, aged 86 and 101, discovered how much they had in common, beginning with a love of conversation!

Marie and Rose became good friends, and continue to enjoy conversation and knitting together. Over time, the bond between them has grown stronger. "If she's sick," Marie says, "I worry."

New friendships, and the speed at which they are formed, can seem almost miraculous. Yet they happen all the time because, as social scientists point out, we are all, at every age and stage of life, highly social creatures.

Surveys of seniors reveal that one of the most cherished features of residential communities is the opportunity to form new friendships.

Being socially engaged, studies suggest, improves memory and other cognitive skills. Socially-inclined people tend be more active and to carry that energy in their faces. This, in turn, invites more people to engage and interact with them.

Why Friendships Are Good for You

Socially active seniors not only appear more energetic, but studies show they may actually live longer and feel better. And their mental agility benefits from the interpersonal interaction. Among the more intriguing findings are that:

Friendships boost your longevity.
In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, researchers following nearly 1,500 seniors for a decade discovered that people with a strong social network are likely to live longer.

These findings were duplicated in another study of 1,200 older adults conducted by Biomed Central Geriatrics.

Social activity boosts your thinking skills.
In a study of more than 2,000 older men and women, people who engaged in one or two social activities regularly did much better on cognitive skills tests, according to a study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology.

Volunteer work is more satisfying (and rewarding) for seniors.
In a study comparing how adults over 60 and under 60 feel about their volunteer work, researchers found that older adults reported greater improvements in life satisfaction from their work than did younger volunteers. This was especially true among older adults who volunteered for many hours. Older adults also perceived their health as being better than the younger volunteers did. The study was published in The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences.

It All Starts with a Smile

Social researchers and cognitive behavioral therapists agree that a few simple steps can enrich our social skills and bring the rewards of friendship into our lives:

Smile!
A pleasant smile while maintaining eye contact is the best invitation to conversation, and almost naturally leads to a remark that initiates conversation. Try it!

Be proactive.
This can take the form of a simple greeting or sharing your impression of a specific event that affects both you and the person you're addressing. Remember, a generous impulse is never wasted.

Build Rapport.
Discover common interests as soon as you can. These can stimulate discussion, give you the confidence to speak more openly about yourself, and put you and your partner on firm ground.

Listen and Learn.
The more you know about your partner, the more you will find opportunities to make helpful and appropriate remarks or suggestions. Knowing who you are talking to also helps you relate your experience to theirs.

Overcome Shyness.
It really can be as easy as that. Experts tells us that focusing on other people's experience is a great escape from ourselves, especially when we are self-conscious to the point of shyness. Ask someone about themselves, and give yourself the challenge of remembering exactly what they tell you.

Keeping the Door Open

Residents at the Jewish Home agree that opportunities to engage with others begin with each new day. And they believe the same applies to seniors everywhere who have a mind to take part in what's going on.

With a little effort, and by keeping the door open, seniors who see themselves as 'loners' can soon find themselves table-hopping, just for the pleasure of catching up with friends and acquaintances.

Political or current events discussions can be a wonderful way of stimulating discussion and bringing opinions to the fore. Often, it is common experiences or shared values that bring seniors together for those invaluable exchanges that blossom into friendship.

It's a wonderful feeling to be accepted for who you are, and, as the data and the testimony of Jewish Home residents show us, well worth the effort we put into it.

Kathleen Doheny is a Los Angeles-based journalist who also writes for WebMD.com, healthday.com, Weight Watchers, the Los Angeles Times and other publications.

Labels: Aging, Doheny, Feature Articles, Friendship, Longevity

"Want to live to 100?" asks Jewish Home resident Edna Shankman, 95. "Choose your parents carefully!"

While it doesn't hurt to have family members who are living to 90-plus (or to have a great sense of humor), over a decade of research reveals that healthy lifestyle choices are the prime factor in determining who will be winners in the ultimate lottery.

The longest lived among us, the 'super-elderly,' are still a unique group. They evoke curiosity, fascination and even national pride. Everyone is eager to learn their strategies for successful living. (Wikipedia maintains an entire page about the world's oldest people that is updated daily.) Ask almost anyone if they would like to join this exclusive club, and you'll probably get the same answer: "Yes, if a high quality of life can be maintained."

The good news is that it can, and that more and more of us will become members of the "100+ Club" in the decades to come.

More Good News

Research shows that, where longevity is concerned, most of us are in the driver's seat. That's because lifestyle choices, in combination with genetics, are the dominant factors in how long each of us will live.

A healthy diet is a vital component, especially one with an abundance of antioxidants like those contained in certain fruits, vegetables, and even red wines. But it turns out that there is an even more significant predictor.

"Exercise trumps everything," says Dr. Edward L. Schneider of USC's Andrus Gerontology Center. It's so important that it even beats weight control. "If you're overweight and exercise," Dr. Schneider says, "you'll probably live longer than someone who isn't overweight and doesn't exercise."

Daily doses of moderately strenuous exercise (like power walking) are the foundation of cardiovascular health and one path to a long and meaningful life. But no one lives long through exercise alone. Holistic wellness – in body, mind, and spirit – makes a vital contribution to every proven strategy for successful aging.

Top Recommendations of the Experts

Social Inclusion
There is nothing so important to our well-being as a sense of belonging. Studies of five areas around the world where people are extraordinarily long-lived found that seniors remained a vital part of the family dynamic and traditions. The equation is simple: when we are valued, we thrive.

Belief System
The practice of faith is valuable in many contexts. Faith can be cherished as a personal relationship with G-d. It can provide the philosophical underpinnings of our values and belief structure. It is also a supreme example of the all-important sense and practice of belonging – to a tradition, a worldview, and a people.

Socializing
Daily interaction – whether in the course of work or volunteering, at mealtimes, on the phone with friends and family, or through social networking – provides stimulation for the mind and spirit. Studies show that it is rare to live a long and satisfying life without it.

Attitude
Finally, a positive attitude helps make positive things happen, whether it's exercise, inclusion, social success or practicing your faith. Most importantly, optimism is one way – our best way – of saying yes to life.

What Jewish Home Residents Say

At the Jewish Home, the average age is 90, with twenty-eight residents age 100 or older, and sixteen 99-year-olds poised to hit the century mark this year. Jewish Home residents also live, on average, two to three times longer than seniors at typical residential facilities.

Talk to some of the Jewish Home's super-elderly for advice, and you get a sense of just how important a great attitude is to successful aging and a long life.

"Start each day with a smile and stay interested in everything around you," advises Eli Persky, 93. "Watch a movie, play sudoku, keep your mind active and engaged!"

"I have to stick around!" says Claire Bizar, who is 102. "Why? Because my family wants me to. Love is what keeps me going."

Morris Steinberg, 97, swears by his daily regimen of walking, weight training, and T'ai Chi. "Working out keeps me going and helps my brain."

Edna Shankman, 99, who chose her parents so carefully, emphasizes the importance of the positive attitude. "I used to be a worrier," she says, and reminds us, "But you have to learn to go with the flow." These days, she only worries about the important stuff. Like what? "Like what to wear!"

Kathleen Doheny is a Los Angeles-based journalist who also writes for WebMD.com, healthday.com, Weight Watchers, the Los Angeles Times and other publications.

Labels: Aging, Doheny, Feature Articles, Longevity, Super Elderly

A Roundtable of Jewish Home Residents Takes on the Big 5

In a era that is redefining the way Americans age, many myths still surround what we can expect in our senior years. The Jewish Home recently brought together a group of residents to explore some of the attitudes that have traditionally cast doubt on the potential of senior years.

Myth 1 — Advanced Age Means Illness

While most seniors acknowledge making adjustments for changes in balance and eyesight, a vast majority of the routine challenges of aging are easily handled with good medical care, dietary accommodations, and physical conditioning, and do not impair functioning.

According to "Older Americans 2008," a federal study of how older Americans are faring, 54% of women and 43% of men report having arthritis, percentages that are actually far lower than was commonly supposed.

Though about half of senior Americans have high blood pressure, it is easily managed with medication. And as health care and awareness improve, fewer American seniors are battling heart disease, asthma, chronic bronchitis, cancer, and diabetes.

Myth 2 — Your Learning Days are Over

"That's a lot of baloney," says Dorothy Creager, 88, who teaches classes to fellow residents at the Jewish Home, and witnesses the transformation of people who, after years of living alone or in a learning-poor environment "come in with long faces and go out loving themselves."

The explosion of senior education opportunities in "Emeritus" universities and community colleges throughout the U.S. is another testament to the ongoing desire to learn, share, and apply knowledge at every stage of life.

Computer skills, arts training, and memory enhancement classes are all well-subscribed and appreciated by residents of the Home, who recognize that the exercise of the mind is a cornerstone of self-fulfillment and well-being at every age.

Myth 3 — Social Contact Declines

For the vast majority of us, social experience is simply matter of opportunity. Socializing among seniors is no different, and is facilitated in residential settings.

Given the proximity of people and events at places like the Jewish Home, resident Shelly Balzac, 81, pointed out, "It's actually pretty difficult to avoid the social interaction!" Mealtime conversations are often a whirlwind of exchanges about politics, the arts and current events, club and family news.

Resident Bette Dashoff, 85, finds it much easier to socialize today than she did living independently. Getting dressed and out to dinner with friends, while one of the great pleasures, became more and more of an effort. "The minute I came here," she said, referring to new social opportunities, "I became a different person."

Myth 4 — Depression is Inevitable with Age

While depression can affect older adults, it is not the norm as the "Older Americans 2008" report reveals. Only 17% of women and 11% of men experienced clinical depression when data were gathered between 1998-2004.

"Mood swings can and do happen," said Dorothy Creager, but she compares them, only half-jokingly, to teen mood swings.

"Health problems can be discouraging," noted Shelly Balzac. But like most seniors he's learned to adapt and accept the health challenges that come with aging.

When the blues set in, Irving Mandel, 90, takes a step back and counts his other blessings. His bottom line about being blue or bored is: "I don't have time for this!"

Myth 5 — Sexual Interest and Activity Decline

"Guess again!" said Dorothy Creager. "As long as we have blood in our veins, there is not a problem."

Jeannette Schlesinger, 83, also took exception to the myth. "I don't feel any differently than when I was a young woman," she said.

Ellis Simon, 85, pointed out that romance and sexual desire seem to be alive and well among members of his generation, pointing out the many couples who met and began relationships at the Home.

A recent University of Chicago research project reflects this never-give-up attitude, as well. Researchers found that most people 57-85 still consider sexuality to be an important part of their lives. Sexual activity is still common, the research found, among people in their 70s and well beyond.

Kathleen Doheny is a Los Angeles-based journalist who also writes for WebMD.com, healthday.com, Weight Watchers, the Los Angeles Times and other publications.

Labels: Aging, Depression, Doheny, Feature Articles, Friendship, Illness, Learning, Longevity, Myths, Sexuality