Los Angeles Jewish Home

Talking with residents throughout the beautiful festival of Chanukah this year gave me a lot to think about. Remember how we light the lights on the menorah: one the first night, two the second, and so on till all eight lights are burning on the eighth night. What starts out as single point of light ends as a glorious display. Night by night, light increases.

So one of the questions I have been raising with residents is whether our light – the light that shines within us – increases as time goes on. I focused particularly on wisdom. As every resident knows, our memory certainly doesn’t improve with passing years, but wisdom is something that may live on within us quite independently of memory.

Some people said that experience made them wiser. As the years pass, we live through so many experiences, for good and for bad; and of course we all make mistakes, which – in theory – we learn from. One resident joked that she is allowed to make the same mistake twice, but twice is the limit! Another said that she always tries to ask herself: what did I learn from that mistake?

I think she’s right. Experience teaches us to make better decisions in how we live our lives only if we can reflect on what we have been through. For that, we need to know ourselves and what is really important for us. If we don’t, we can re-live patterns that don’t help us at all. We grow in wisdom when experience teaches us to understand ourselves and the world around us; that way, we are more able to make judgments that are good and healthy.

When we see our own goodness and also our own failings, and recognize these in others too, we are better able to face life’s challenges without being filled with negativity. It is my belief that love and compassion for ourselves and for all humanity are major elements in wisdom; indeed they are a basis for the biblical injunction to "Love your neighbor as yourself".

As we talked of the increase in light with the passing years, many residents felt that they were more compassionate than they used to be. Surely that compassion arises out of the knowledge that we human beings all share a certain frailty, all are struggling to do the best we can, and none of us can get it right all the time. Isn’t it true that a wise person recognizes and appreciates that shared humanity?

A growing wisdom many bring a deeper sense of what is important to us. It is interesting that, for many of us, our priorities change during our lifetimes. It is not, I think, just because circumstances change: it is also because we change. When residents talk of what is important to them now, they focus frequently on relationships and, most of all, family.

I was fascinated when one resident talked about the importance of compromise. What she meant was that we can’t always have things just as we want. That is true throughout our lives, but comes to the fore particularly as we encounter new situations, such as aging and disability. If you stick to your old view of how things ought to be, you get nowhere. In the words of one person, a lady who had spent years in Auschwitz: "You have to live life as it is, and thank God every day for your life and blessings". This was a theme for several people, and some noted that not every resident is able to adjust to life as it is.

I asked one person, whom I have known since the time she was still walking with ease, how she had managed her transition to having to use a wheelchair. I knew she would give me a thoughtful response; in fact what she said brought tears to my eyes. She said: "I had to face the truth – the truth of my situation. Once I could do that, the rest was easy." She was putting into words what so many residents know, reminding us that wisdom also involves courage – the courage to shine light on our lives and our situations, and face truths we might prefer to ignore.

Labels: Chanukah, Elman, For the Spirit, Hanukkah, Letter from the Rabbi, Wisdom

Last month, Jeanna Bryner, Managing Editor of LiveScience, published a list of 5 reasons why aging is awesome. It was so good we wanted to share it with you.

Intro
The saggy, wrinkly view of aging may have a much more positive, and real, conterpart: Getting older has its perks, lots of them, from needing less sleep to having better sex. Here's a look at why the crowded candles on your birthday cake, as you enter middle age and beyond, are just plain awesome. (photo credit: stock.xchng)


More Awake Time
That's right, more time to enjoy life. Seniors need about 1.5 hours less sleep on average than their younger counterparts, according to one study.

In another study of 110 healthy adults who were allowed eight hours of bed time, the oldest group (ages 66 to 83) snoozed about 20 minutes less than the middle-agers (ages 40-55), who in turn slept about 23 minutes less than the youngest group (ages 20 to 30). The simplest explanation for the fewer shut-eye minutes: Older adults need less sleep.

Another explanation, and one supported by research: Older adults just can't get the sleep they need, taking longer to nod off, spending less time in deep sleep, and having more trouble staying asleep. In fact, more than half of men and women over the age of 65 say they suffer from at least one sleep problem, with many experiencing insomnia, according to WebMD. (photo credit: © Rozenn Leard | Dreamstime.com)


Wearing Rose-Colored Glasses
Being happy may come down to attitude, studies have shown. That's great news for older adults, whose brains seem to be wired to remember the good times. A brain-scanning study published in 2010 in the journal Cortex revealed that older adults' rose-colored glasses may be linked to the way the brain processes emotional contents.

The researchers scanned the brains of participants — young adults (ages 19-31) and older adults (ages 61-80) — as they viewed a series of photographs with positive and negative connections between the brain regions that process emotions and those known to be important to the successful formation of memories, particularly when processing positive information. The same strong connections weren't found for the younger participants.

Aging adults don't just recall blissful moments of the past in vivid colors. It's also becoming apparent to researchers that being old could lend itself to optimism. In one recent study, both old and young participants where shown virtual faces portraying sadness, anger, fear and happiness. Eye-tracking technology revealed the older participants, ages 18 to 21, focused on fearful faces, while those ages 57 to 84 zeroed in on the happy faces, avoiding the angry ones. The researchers, who detailed their study in 2006 in the journal Psychology and Aging, think that as a person's life expectancy decreases, they might focus on what makes them feel good now rather than focusing on the negative. (photo credit: Dreamstime)


Being Grandparents
No diapers. No temper tantrums. No fevers and ear infections. Aging means you get to enjoy grandkids, as if they were your own, but without any of the frustrations. Pop-pop and G'ma can do no wrong in the eyes of grandkids. Research has suggested grandparents can increase the chances of a child surviving during the high-risk period of infancy and childhood in traditional societies. The same link may hold true in Western societies, according to David A. Coall of Edith Cowan University. "We felt if such an association existed in Western societies, where the fertility and childhood mortality rates are much lower, grandparents could make a substantial public health contribution to our society," Coall said in a statement.

And you're good at it, too. A study published in the November 2008 issue of the journal Pediatrics, by scientists at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, showed that kids cared for by a grandmother were 50-percent less likely to get injured than children cared for by daycare workers, other relatives, or even the child's own mother. (photo credit: © Monkey Business Images | Dreamstime.com)


More Wisdom
Like a fine wine, older adults have been aged to perfection it seems, at least when it comes to wisdom. As you age, you may have a tougher time tuning out irrelevant information, but this lack of focus can actually boost memory, according to research published in 2010 in the journal Psychological Science. More specifically, seniors have the unique ability to "hyper-bind" the irrelevant information, essentially tying it to other information that is appearing at the same time. This type of memory could help older adults with decision-making and problem-solving, the researchers suspect. For instance, if a manager wants to promote an employee, it might be helpful to recall not just that employee's work performance, but also his interaction with other employees. (photo credit: © Denis Raev | Dreamstime.com)


Rewarding Sex Life
Sex drive seems to stay strong as you age. One 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine surveyed adults ages 57 to 85, finding more than half of 75- to 85-year-olds reported a roll in the hay at least two to three times a month, and 23 percent reported having sex at least once a week. oral sex appeared to be less "ageless." nearly 60 percent of the participants under 65 years old said they had engaged in oral sex in the previous 12 months, compared with 31 percent for the over-75s. (photo credit: © Alexander Raths | Dreamstime.com)

What else do you think makes aging awesome? Leave a comment!

Labels: Aging, Cross Post, Elderly, For the Body, For the Mind, For the Spirit, Grandma, Grandpa, Grandparents, Healthy Aging, Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience, Optimism, Seniors, Sexuality, Sleep, Staff, Wisdom