Los Angeles Jewish Home

One of my classes is called “Conversation with the Rabbi”, and the conversation last week was real and fascinating. Everyone knows the disadvantages of aging: the loss of mobility and other restrictions, the aches and pains, the fact that one is no longer looking forward to a long life of dreams and possibilities, and, in many cases, the lingering loneliness after the death of a husband or wife. But I wanted to know the other side of the coin. I asked each resident present to tell me if there were any advantages to old age. (It’s natural I should want to know, as that stage of my life gets ever closer!)

I expected to get laughed at. But instead, almost every resident in the class was able to talk about some of the blessings of being older. Some talked of being wiser. Others spoke of the joy of watching their families – their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren – and that this time of life was filled with the love they could give to their families, and the love they received from them. With less responsibility now, there was greater time and freedom just for the good things. Another theme emerged, too. There was time and opportunity to reach out and help others here at the Home. Many talked of living in the Jewish Home as a blessing: they received so much, and could also give so much.

None of these residents was being starry-eyed. None pretended that old age was just paradise, without real disadvantages. One woman said: there are good things about being older, but there are more bad things. But even she was happy to tell me about the blessings in her life.

Let me tell you about one of the Torah stories we read this month. The Israelites, on their journey towards the Promised Land, passed through a country whose king was so frightened of them that he called on Balaam, a foreign prophet, to come and curse them. But God made sure that all the words that came out of Balaam’s mouth were not words of curse, but instead words of blessing, telling of the Israelites’ future success.

Just as God turned curse into blessing, we too have the ability – if only we are willing – to turn curse into blessing. I often talk of recognizing God’s blessing in the events of our life – even seemingly negative events. This is not something magical, like kidding ourselves that dark is really light. But we do have greater power over our lives than we often think. Many years ago I was asked, how does one become blessed? I answered that if we feel blessed, then we are blessed. Changing our attitude towards life can actually change the way we experience life. That is the way we turn curse into blessing.

A resident who has recently changed location within the Home has been finding it so painful leaving behind familiar people – both residents and staff – that she can’t enjoy life where she is now. I know this can be painful, but I have also been suggesting to her that each day she try to find one good thing about her new surroundings, one little blessing. She tells me she is still finding it difficult, but I believe she is beginning to experience good, to find blessing in her new life.

Labels: Aging, Around the Home, Blessings, Blog, Conversation with the Rabbi, Elman, Family, For the Spirit, Israelites, Judaism, Letter from the Rabbi, Seniors, Transition

The transition from a private home or apartment to a senior living facility requires physical, emotional, and, perhaps more importantly, attitudinal adjustments. It also requires generous time to discuss, evaluate, and then make the move.

Experts agree that the key for a successful move is understanding that the change itself can result in an overall better quality of life. It is best to keep in your thoughts and your discussions that the purpose of transitioning to senior care is to enhance their physical, psychological, and social well-being.

The Challenge of Change

Change is difficult at any age. Consider how good it feels to return home, even after an enjoyable vacation. Our first response is usually "it feels so good to be home." That's because our minds and bodies experience new environments as an additional stressor.

New places put new demands on us, requiring us to remember where we are, to learn how to access resources, and to make new plans for how our needs will be met.

Home, by contrast, is easy and familiar, a place where we accomplish our movements by rote — from getting a drink in the middle of the night to finding the TV remote!

The Learning Curve

A new setting can take at least three months — and often twice that — for a senior to "learn." Even with full acceptance that the move to a senior living community is a positive step, the learning curve can be steep. The right preparation can make the move a lot easier.

One helpful approach is to step back and look at the big picture. Consider or discuss all options and emphasize what will be gained rather than lost. Many tremendous benefits are often hidden or overlooked in the pressure wrought by change. The fact is that most seniors gain rather than lose independence.

Transitioning

Rather than embarking on a move abruptly, keep an eye out for opportunities to ease gently into a new situation. Try visiting a new residence during the lunch hour. Have lunch there with your parent (or loved one). An ordinary activity, like dining, can help familiarize you or a loved one to a new environment.

On your next visit, stay a little longer after a meal. Participate in a social activity that appeals to you, whether it's a game of cards or watching a favorite show or movie.

In all interactions with staff, try to be comfortable accepting assistance, and remember they are experienced professionals who are committed to their work.

An Emphasis on New Freedoms

After making a move, seniors sometimes compare their new homes to living on a cruise ship. It's true! You move in, the room is fresh and clean, and the place is yours. Meals and snacks are provided for you around the clock.

You have the opportunity to take a variety of educational, artistic, or recreational classes. Exercise classes or individual workouts can restore or improve health. Spiritual activities and support can provide a new sense of fellowship and well-being. Through social opportunities, new friendships are developed and old friendships rediscovered.

Transportation worries are over, and life opens up in new ways. Seniors are now free to take in a movie or museum, or to go shopping whenever they like. For many who have been struggling to keep up their own homes, it is a tremendous relief to have someone else take care of everything.

In an age when more and more senior living facilities are sensitive to the needs of the whole person, seniors are leading far more enriched lives full of meaningful activities that make each new day an opportunity to enjoy all that life has to offer.

A 35-year veteran of senior housing and healthcare issues, Molly Forrest is the Chief Executive Officer-President of the Los Angeles Jewish Home, one of the foremost multi-level senior living communities in the U.S. and the largest single-source provider of senior housing in Los Angeles.

Labels: Aging, Feature Articles, Forrest, Moving, Senior Care, Senior Living, Transition